Summer Fun – And, some are not so fun.

In the long days of summer that are now upon us all, we’ve all probably already experienced some of the most FUN days with our kids, as well as some extra LONG/miserable days. Most parents (and maybe even kids) have secretly already counted the number of days left until school gets back in session. Not me, though. As much of a challenge it can be, I LOVE summer! Call me a Yellow or a White personality on the color code spectrum (something I’m told by virtually every therapist, isn’t a real way to determine someone’s personality), but I just don’t like being told what to do. And, while I love school and learning and I am working on a degree for myself right now, having the summer off from school scheduling and the related overbooking of our precious little family time together, feels like one of the biggest relief to me by the time summer finally rolls around each year. I like to be the master of my own destiny- and schedule book. I wake up most every morning thinking “What could we do to make today really fun?” I am such a fun-seeker, in fact, that it genuinely surprises me every time my kids do things to get themselves grounded (and, not just because they don’t like being grounded) because of how much fun we all know we could be having if they were not grounded. I mean, why should we have to stay inside all day when there are so many adventures we could be on?

That being said, instead of my eyes being too big for my stomach, I would say that my visions of fun have always been a little too big for my body. Kind of like my favorite childhood movie character would say “So much time, so little to do. . . . Strike that; reverse it.” Yes, we are usually a lot more hopeful than actual in our adventures during the week. And, we have our fair share of pouting and grumbling in the evenings over not being able to do something we really wanted to get to do that day (ok, so I’m usually the one pouting and grumbling, but the kids started it, I swear!) Still, I’ve learned something about parenting that can make the days a lot more adventure-some, and therefore fun for us all. And, with summer time providing longer days to fill, figuring out what to do together, it’s even that much more pertinent. Do you want to know what it is? :o) Ready? Ready? Ready? :D

It’s a mixture between Submission, Attitude, and Imagination. I call it “Attimagimission”. No, just kidding. I totally just made that up. I don’t have a word for it! (Haha) BUT, it is a real thing, even if it doesn’t have its own word.

I think it might be easier to explain what it is, if I first explain what it is not. It is not a “bigger or better” concept. I know that most single dad’s get labeled “Disney Land Dad’s” because they tend to spend the (typically) shorter amount of time that they have with their kids cramming as many bigger and better fun activities in as possible, in order to build fond memories. I think we’ve established that I’m the atypical “Disney Land Mom” in my divorce, because it really doesn’t matter how much time I have with my kids, I’m constantly on the search for fun things to do with them (which is admittedly challenging, with how motivated I can be in wanting to spend as little money as possible, too). But, I think that is why I love this concept so much! Even though it can happen in the middle of the most expensively laid out plans, it can also happen in the middle of a dirt road on a rainy day, with no umbrellas in sight. Money and thrill are not the determining factors in this concept.


It doesn’t always happen easily for me, but when I realize that I am in the place where it is happening, I just go with it, like a good thought or action just flowing down the river. I know from past experience that I’m going to enjoy that ride, so I just let it carry me along. I can’t describe exactly what it feels like when you are “there” either, other than, you’ll know when you are. And, I know it happens all on its own because I’ve tried to re-create it later, exactly how I remembered it; and it still wasn’t ever the same. I’m not sure, but I think this might be the same explanation for why “mom’s recipes” never taste exactly the way they did when she used to make them, or why every Christmas or birthday can hold completely different memories for us, even if our rituals in the way we are experiencing them never change. To me, this describes the submission part. You’ll know you have submitted, when you have decided to engage in an activity that, while you’re expecting to find joy in for one reason or another, you don’t know exactly the way it will turn out.

Also, and this is a great one for me to remember, although this concept I’m talking about can’t exist while in the middle of a bad-attitude-storm, it can and almost always does exist directly after the bad-attitude-storms are over. And, while I haven’t yet figured out how to force my kids to stop being upset over not having an expectation for themselves met, I can help them snap out of those times more quickly by leading the way and, fixing my own attitude. I know this because I have this bad habit of sometimes looking back at my bad attitude after I’ve let it go, as if to welcome it to follow close by in case I need it again, and if I let it catch back up to me, then nobody is having any fun anymore. So, I’ve had to learn to kick it once it’s down . . . stomp on it a few times and then let it lie, because I’m going to have some fun now! The correct attitude is always, always, always, always necessary- no exceptions. Without it, you will never get to experience what I am talking about.

Lastly and possibly most importantly, is the use of an imagination. This is important to remember for adults, because unless we are actively exercising our imagination muscles, we lose the ability to go there on our own when we want to. For kids, it’s almost first, rather than second-nature to them. They are already willing to be there, so if you’ve forgotten how to imagine, watch them . . . and re-learn. Our imaginations are important because that is what use to transform us from being in a typical, miserable, mundane, annoying day, into being in a vibrant, exciting, new, and humorous day (in the same exact place, at the same exact moment in time). It’s the same concept of always being able to find what you are looking for, only it takes things a step or two farther than a good-attitude would take us. It creates a surrounding that literally exists in order to amuse and enlighten us and we aren’t just choosing our reactions to the things that are acting upon us, we start choosing everything. We start thinking one step ahead of ourselves, and we anticipate what we want to happen next as much as we would anticipate seeing a best friend after a long time apart. Because of this active interaction, we become very aware of our surroundings within the moment we are experiencing them, which is a great thing! So often we live life just swerving around all the pot-holes and road bumps that get in our way. When, if we opened our minds a little wider than we could open our eyes, we’d be amazed at how many interesting, windy roads are laid before us that we can choose from.

So, go ahead and be present with your kids this weekend. Make a plan if you need or want to, but don’t schedule a “fun-time”- BE a “fun-time”. Let it happen whenever, wherever, why-ever it wants to exist. Take your little ones by the hand and show them that you aren’t too old to enjoy the moments in life that other people don’t even know how to appreciate the way you do. I know you’re up for the challenge. And, you’ll be glad you were.

I Love You Forever

One of my all time favorite children’s books is titled “Love You Forever”, written by Robert Munsch. It is such a sweet story about the trials of raising a child and how in spite of all the heart ache and chaos that becomes your life in the process of being a parent, the love that you feel for your child is forever present and eternally constant. At the end of the book, it shows how this lesson in expressing unconditional love is passed down to the next generation. I am not a very big crier, but I admit, I cry when reading this simple children’s book.

To me, right now though, I’m not at the end of my story. I’m still in the middle of raising my kids and I’m not exactly sure how everything is going to play out, or if my kids will ever truly understand the love that I have for them. But, I know this. Every morning, I feel like I’m waking up in a zoo, complete with wild animal noises and dreaded new messes for me to face. I try my best to express my love after, or better yet, BEFORE I’ve lost my temper like the wild Ape mother who’s in charge of all these little monkeys, and I try to spend at least a few minutes really talking to my kids about anything that’s on their minds, during the day. But, I’m not ever sure if there is enough time in a single day to overcome all the chaos that we face as a family. “Have I done enough?” is a question I find myself asking when I’m looking into the fridge trying to decide what kind of meal I can get to fit my dueling desires to provide something healthy as well as something quick.

Then the fighting and the screaming and the whining and the tattling suddenly kick up to a level 10 on the emotional-overload-scale and I swear I could go cross-eyed just counting down the last few hours until bed time so that I can send the children to their rooms (for their own well-being), so that they can stop making noise, and finally fall asleep already, and so I can finally RELAX! *Metaphorically pulling my hair out* (sigh)

And, even though the very act of hearing my children wind down and FINALLY entering that deep breathing stage of sleep makes my daily burdens of anxiety and stress that I place on myself during the day dissipate instantaneously, not to be re-awakened again until morning, my first thought really isn’t a pressing urge to crawl into their bedroom, pick them up and start singing lullabies in their honor. No. Unfortunately, my first thought is usually “Now, where did I hide that treat I wanted all to myself?” *hangs head* Yes, I know, shameful.

On the other hand, maybe I’m doing pretty well after all. If I think back just one year, I realize that the progress we’ve made as a family is outstanding! One year ago, I was moving out of a shelter and into the home of some friends of mine who would be gone for a year and decided to bless our lives with renting to me at an incredible rate. One year ago, my kids wanted nothing more than to run away at every chance they got because they instinctively couldn’t feel safe or secure after the maddening marriage, separation, and final divorce we’d all just barely survived. I wasn’t spending any real time with them during the day; I was looking straight through them as I tried everything I could to just keep my head above water, let alone plan for our future together. One year ago, we couldn’t say “I love you” as often, or as sincerely as we say it now. We didn’t cry, either. Which, might seem like a good thing, but it isn’t when compared to the previously constant battle of extreme emotions (anger and elation) that fought within each of us individually and as a whole family on constant replay throughout every day. One year ago, most days were absolute hell. I honestly don’t know how we survived it at all.

With a son who also within the past year and a half was finally diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, the feeling of barely surviving last year gives me the tinniest perspective on how difficult his life has been for him, and it certainly provides me all the motivation needed to make sure he is taken care of emotionally (with therapy) and mentally (with good medications). Unfortunately, we often still face moments of hell together as a family because of the chaos that, if it had its way, would relentlessly attack his seemingly over-developed logical and reasoning brain and remain unsuppressed by medications in its desire to reign with horrific terror. It is actually a miracle in and of itself that at the age of 8, my oldest son was finally able to tell me over and over “Mommy, I feel happy. Not, like I want to jump around kind of happy, just good, calm, happy”, as if he was discovering this sincere emotion for the first time in his life. I want to cry just remembering that moment in time. I am so glad that he has been able to discover this kind of calm happy feeling and I want that feeling to stay for him for as long as possible.

I want that for our whole family, too. My other boys have been through their own versions of hell and they have survived with such power and grace. I am not exaggerating when I say that my kids could put most adults to shame in the way that they have been able to forgive and grow and change in the midst of the hell that we called our every-day life for so long. I am certain that most adults would undoubtedly crumble, have a mental break down and end up hospitalized if they had to go through what my kids have been through. They are the reason why I keep trying to do better. It might be difficult for me to remember this inner motivation on most days, especially when I’m in the middle of an “I want to shoot myself in the foot” moment of grocery shopping at 4 pm with all of them in tow, but they really are my reason to keep pushing to be better. They deserve all that a loving mother could give them.

And, while I can’t yet muster the courage to give them personalized lullabies in their beds every night, I’m giving them the gift right now, of a persistent mother. I will keep trying to do better. I will keep going to school and attempting to get a degree. I will keep pushing them to be as wonderful as I know they are. I will keep making them do their chores and read books and brush their teeth. I will make myself sit down to a meal with them and ask “What was your favorite thing about today?”, even if what I really want to be doing is turning on the t.v. and letting my mind take a break for a minute from the maddening noise level that is any house with three small boys living in it. I will keep forgiving myself when I totally mess everything up. I will keep forgiving them. This is how I will show my boys . . .

I Love You Forever.

Down and Dirty

I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been the kind of person that needs to have a clean and organized house (that’s MY standard of clean and organized, not yours) in order to function at my best mentally. When I’m stressed, I clean. When I feel like life is out of control, I clean. When I know someone is coming over, I clean. When I worry about someone showing up unexpectedly, I clean. I can’t be sure, but I think I’ve always been like this. But, there is another reason I clean, now that I have children. <-- I think that sentence just answered itself. Yep, it is now a necessity.

And, although it is increasingly a great necessity to pay active attention to the cleanliness of my house before it grows like a bad science project gone . . . worse, and eats us all alive, I’ve also learned to ease up on my standards of clean over the years (to everyone’s great relief). I can leave dirty dishes in the sink for days, no problem (as long as nobody comes over). I can leave piles of bills and school notes from my kids on the counter until I either take care of them, or realize they are past their due date and throw them away to replace them with new ones. I can leave at least one room in my house looking like a bomb went off at the laundry mat, almost indefinitely. And because nobody is allowed in my bedroom, my room usually gets dibbed as the “bomb shelter” for all the clothes and “to-do-later” projects that pile up.

Usually, it’s at some point though, every few days or weeks (depending on how busy we’ve been lately), that I start looking around at my recently neglected surroundings, twitching at the eyeballs, and mumbling witchty curses under my breath, at any stain that gets in my broom’s path. And, you know what that means-

Oh yes, its’ house cleaning time! My kids know when it’s house cleaning time, because they have been born with a great instinct to want to eat whenever they are hungry, sleep whenever they are tired (which isn’t often enough), and avoid cleaning whenever possible. If I open a door to the room where they are, in order to start cleaning it, suddenly the urge to go to the bathroom is too great for them to suppress, or the need to take care of something in another room is at a life-altering importance level. And, until I realize what they are doing and make them stop, the “Escape and Hide” tactic is what they do, while I am the only one cleaning.

Sound familiar? Well, I just thought I’d offer a few hints that have helped our house-cleaning become a family effort, while at the same time NOT ending in somebody wanting to strangle somebody else. Ready? Here they are:

1. OCD, CDO (that’s OCD in Alphabetical order . . . like it should be) OCD, CDO
-We know exactly how we like things to be, and even though we’ve done it that way a billion times our whole lives, we are probably the only one who even notices or cares, which is particularly devastating, considering the amount of time that was spent figuring out the exactly perfect way to do it.. So, when everything gets cleaned or put away ALL WRONG, just breathe and remember . . . you’ll fix it later. ;o)

2. FiX IT LATER!!!
-This is one I have to add after the OCD, CDO one, because I am Soooooo this way! But, what am I teaching my kids if I ask them to put away their shoes, and then I follow them and (grumbling) re-do it the way I wanted it done in the first place? Besides the fact that I’m oh so loving and approachable at the moment *insert sarcasm*, it’s that they don’t really have to try to help out anyway. Remember, we WANT our kids to learn these things, so no matter how WRONG it is, let it be until later when you can either “fix it” to your liking, or teach them in a gentle voice what you really wanted.

3. One at a time
-Really, it’s ok. I give you permission to accept it. If the only cleaning you got done today was one load of laundry, pat yourself on the back! That’s one less thing you’ll have to do tomorrow. Keeping a clean house is a lot different when you have kids around, than when you don’t. It might look cluttered with toys and fruit snacks, but if the most important jobs get done at least at some point during the week, then you are still on top of it. Good work! :o)

4. Consistency
-Nothing you try ever works for very long, that’s just the nature of the beast, right? BUT, then again, this might work! We never can tell in advanced how long a good idea will last until we try it. The most important thing is to remain consistent, drawing that good idea out as long as it will let us. That means that no matter what light bulb flashes above your head giving you the solution to your cleaning woes, go ahead, make some easy to follow guidelines for yourself and your kids (write them down, if you have to) and REMEMBER them! It just might catch on this time. At our house, we say that having 2 hands means we can each do 2 helpful chores a day before we play outside or watch television. My kids used to actually call out the chores they wanted to do as soon as we got home, so that nobody else would take theirs (they all thought taking out the trash was the easiest, so they always wanted to do that one).

5. Cleaning Games
-These are fun for me. I like them a lot. But, my kids KNOW all my games, so sometimes we don’t play them for a while, because they have learned how to wiggle out of their responsibilities when I’m in game-mode. STILL, sometimes, when I just want one or two things done, a game is a great way to keep the mood (and the cleaning) light. You can set a timer and see if you can finish a job before it goes off. You can race to see who makes their bed the fastest (boys love competition, so we race a lot). You can try a relay race with sorting laundry, or practice math by counting by 2’s, or 5’s when picking up Lego’s. My friend does something called “Boss of the Room”, where everyone takes turns being in charge of a room, telling all the other people what to do to clean it all up until it’s done. And then they go on to the next room, where someone else takes a turn being in charge. You can bribe, if you want to . . . I don’t very often, but if it works for you, awesome! The thing to remember with cleaning games is – it’s supposed to be fun! So, if you aren’t having fun, you aren’t playing a game, you’re playing “Do-this-or-else-I’m-going-to-go-crazy” And, really, who wants to play that? :P

**Side Note: I’m sorry; I don’t have any good tips for getting spouses to follow a cleaning routine. Remember, I am divorced . . . but, I wouldn’t recommend that to everyone as a cleaning tip. ;o)

Honestly?

If there’s one thing I love about young children, it’s that they all seem to be born inherently honest. Of course, they learn within the first few years of life that honesty is not a widely accepted quality in our society and they start to adapt.

And, thankfully, in some cases! I remember my mom saying that shortly after moving from a small town to a large city with my brother and me, she was in the grocery store and my brother (who I believe was 3 at the time) got his first memorable look at a person with dark skin. My mom said that he was so shocked at this new experience that he very loudly demanded of her “Mom! Why is that man black?!” The man, of course, was very close by and my mother was so embarrassed that she wanted to crawl away. I’ve had my fair share of similar experiences while raising my own kids. They’ve said things when we are out together like:

“That lady can’t walk!” (Talking about a woman in a wheelchair)
“That kid is so fat!” (Talking about a boy with a large belly compared to the rest of his body)
“Why is that person’s face weird?” (Talking about an obvious burn victim)
“That man is really short!” (Talking about a little person)
(Sigh)

I laugh now because these things are always embarrassing at the time, not because it’s nice to point someone out that way. It isn’t. And, I’m not saying that I’ve always handled these experiences the right way. Once, when my youngest was 4, he exclaimed very loudly that a lady near us was F-A-T ! I pointed my finger right back at him and said “WOAH! That kid is short! He has freckles on his face! He has a booger in his nose!” He was so shocked that I would be doing such a thing, and easily got my point when I asked him if he thought she liked hearing him talk about her like that. Yeah, it worked, but I think it’s just because out of my three kids, he naturally is the most sensitive to other people’s feelings. And, the thing is, he wasn’t trying to hurt her feelings at all. He wasn’t thinking it would be a mean thing to say. He was just being honest and noticing something out of ‘his ordinary’.

And, the reason I got embarrassed, is because the loud judgments of others makes worry that I haven’t taught my boys well enough to be compassionate and understanding. I want my kids to grow up with a love for mankind. I want them to have an open mind and make judgments about others after getting to know them personally (not based on outward appearances). And, even so, I want them to have and hold onto their personal values or beliefs, but not feel threatened by anyone who might have different values or beliefs. I want my children to act civilized and good in society, really.

But, I don’t want them to lose their natural love for honesty. Sometimes it bothers me how much our society leans towards “niceties” over “honesty” when determining goodness. There is much to be said about learning to be nice, but if I had it my way, we’d all encourage our kid’s natural love of honesty by learning to accept honesty as a higher quality. There are 2 reasons why honesty isn’t valued as much as it could be in our society. First, the person with the opportunity to express honesty chooses not to be totally honest because they don’t want anyone to be upset by their truth. And second, the person with the opportunity to hear the truth doesn’t really want to hear it. We’ve all learned to be afraid of speaking or hearing the truth. But, why is that? If someone comes to you and says that they truly, honestly believe that the sky is purple would that change the fact that you believe it is blue? Of course, that’s an easy analogy to understand, but no matter what another person’s opinion, we still cringe when we hear someone say something we disagree with. While I’m still working on changing this in myself, I know that I’d rather hear what someone close to me really thinks, than have to deal with trying to figure out what they really meant to say later on. If you agree, try saying thank you 3 times this week when someone tells you something that you maybe didn’t want to hear . . . just try it. You don’t have to agree, just thank them for their honesty.

And, think about why listening to and appreciating the truth is a good practice to get into. When you ask your friend if they like your new pants and they say “Yes, I love them!” Do you ever wonder if they are just saying that because they always say they love everything about everyone? It depends on the friend, doesn’t it? It seems that most adults are either full of blanket compliments for everyone everywhere, or rarely express a compliment because they don’t want to be like the former type of person. From whom, then, does a compliment really mean the most? From the type who is less complimentary, that’s who! And, that’s because you know they wouldn’t have said it if they didn’t mean it. This speaking and hearing honesty thing also puts a lot more responsibility on owning your own feelings about things . . . like your pants, rather than depending on someone else to give you an opinion to hold as your truth. That’s a powerfully healthy way to live, isn’t it?

I’m not suggesting that you try to be significantly less affectionate with others, especially with your kids. Kids need and therefore crave a lot of affection. But, I have learned that since our kids are more honest to begin with, they aren’t looking for our constant compliments, either. When they say, “Look at me! Look what I can do!” they are literally asking us to watch them, to notice something that they have already decided to like. When they show us the painting, or story, or mud pie they just made, they aren’t asking for us to say “That’s nice”, or “That’s beautiful” one more time. Sure, we can teach them to get into that pattern by setting up our relationship with them that way, but what they really want is to show us what they have already honestly done for themselves. What they want is for us to ask them about it, so that they can then tell US how wonderful, or beautiful, or weird they think their own creation is. In these moments of personal creativity or expression, they are at their most honest, core self. THIS is the time to encourage their honesty!

Asking our kids questions rather than complimenting them is a lot harder than it sounds. Naturally as a parent, we want to provide some sort of judgment or life-lesson on everything that they do. We want to tell them how to be, rather than letting them be. We worry that without our constant guidance, they won’t learn the correct way. We worry that they won’t know that we love them without the constant reinforcement of our compliments. We forget how easily they learn to tune out most of what we say because our words aren’t always as practical a teaching tool for them as we think they are (especially if we become like the friend who likes our pants because they like everything). We forget how perceptive our children are and how easily they will learn the value of honesty by watching us have genuine interest in their honesty. We probably see very well how incredibly smart or talented they are when they do something amazing, but instead of telling them how great they are, try noticing what they’ve done without placing any judgment on it before they do. It’s harder than it sounds, so here are some suggestions to get you started:

“Tell me about your picture.”
“It looks like you like jumping that high.”
“You must really like running fast.”
“You used the color yellow a lot.”

This is all our kids need to hear before they start telling us more about what they are doing and/or what they like about what they just did. They are already proud of themselves, and so they feel loved when they get to tell us more about it with complete openness. It takes a long time to listen to everything they have to say sometimes and you really have to ask yourself if you are honestly ready to hear a life-story about a blob of paint or a trip across the monkey bars before you start verbally noticing, but try it for just 5 min a day with your kids. The great thing about learning to ask for our kids’ honest feelings about something without placing any judgment is that it actually helps them to listen to us when we have something important to teach them. (This learning to listen to honesty works well with parents, and spouses, and co-workers, and bosses, too.) So, I dare you to try this and see if your relationship with your kids isn’t better within a few weeks . . . I mean, honestly.

Are YOU a Good Parent?

I sincerely believe that most parents do what they know how to, trying hard to do their best within that knowledge. Patterns learned from their family line biased by different experience and circumstances certainly have a great influence, but each of us has a unique personality that shines far brighter than anything else onto our own parental styles. We all want to do well. And, yet, we “fail” in our own ways, over and over again. We fail because we lose our temper, or because we don’t have the connection we want with our kids, or because we can’t provide what we want to for them.

It is one of the biggest heart breaks that parents feel. Sometimes, we truly have to morn the great loss in realizing that our expectations will never be met the way we'd hoped in our relationship with our children, and that is indescribably hard. Our hearts are broken over and over each time we see our children suffer, but even more so when we feel they are suffering because of our own inadequacies or mistakes.

Nobody tells you about this heart break before you have a child. It’s all cute clothing and warm hearted stories about how wonderful being a parent is.

And, it IS wonderful! With how much pain we can so easily feel, it can just as quickly be matched and even forgotten by some of the happiest feelings of pride and joy and connection that come to us as blessings in the process of raising God’s children. I cannot begin to describe how wonderful it feels to hear your child call you “Mama” for the first time, or offer hugs and kisses ‘just because’, or make friends successfully, or discover and develop their talents.

But, it is not my belief that a child’s amount of successes is the defining factor in what makes their parent’s good, or not. No, I cannot believe that. I cannot look at a happy family and think to myself, “Wow, they’re doing so well together, I bet it takes no effort at all.” For me to do that, I would have to be living in a fantasy world. (And, I’ll admit, I sometimes venture to that fantasy world, when I am in the middle of my own moments of WWIII in my home.) But, honestly, let’s just get real for a minute and admit the truth.

Good parents raise some of the most amazing children, who go on to do some truly inspiring and helpful things in our society. And good parents raise really amazing children, who go on to do something miraculous like finding a good partner and raising their own children in honor of their parents. And good parents raise children who struggle and fall down and make mistakes that they know they shouldn’t and sometimes suffer great consequences for those choices. And good parents raise children who might never appreciate any of the good they did for them until it’s too late. Good parents aren’t good because of the rewards or societal status that they are able to achieve in the process. In fact, the irony of it all is, that good parents probably don’t even recognize themselves as being very good at all.

I say it's time to stand up and recognize the good parents around us, flaws and all! And, why not start at home? If you are a parent, recognize the real effort it takes for you to get up and face the challenges in raising your family every day. Are you perfect? NO! Are you still trying anyway? If the answer is yes, then I say you are a good parent. Stop looking at your neighbors expecting them to be perfect, too. I'm going to give you a clue- they're not. BUT, they just might be good parents, even if they do things differently. How can you tell?

A good parent loves their children no matter how many mistakes they make. A good parent keeps trying after each time they feel “failure” in their own expectations as a parent. A good parent pushes themselves to do the impossible each day (make it through in one piece), and never knows at the end of it if they have done anything really extraordinary, but they keep thinking, and worrying and trying to do better the next day, anyway. A good parent makes mistakes that are almost always visible to others, especially their children . . . and, yet, they keep trying . . . even if it seems sometimes that they spend most of their time looking up at Heaven asking “Why ME?!, Why THIS?!” A good parent eventually learns to not care what everyone else thinks about what they are doing. If they are helping their children succeed in their own unique way, that is all they need to feel satisfied.

In the end,it’s not about what everyone else can see, or if we are meeting our own expectations and standards for ourself as a parent. And, it's also not about the “someday” when all the children are grown and finally understand what we tried to do for them. No, it’s about the here and now, today. What we do after we totally lose our temper, or get shut down when we try to unsuccessfully to connect once again, or realize we can’t do what we expect of ourselves as a parent.

What do good parents do? That’s right; try again. That is what our kids see, whether they acknowledge it or not. They learn to forgive their own mistakes by watching us move on from our own. They see us keep trying to love them, in spite of our differences or our flaws and our mistakes, because we choose to. And, that’s a hard thing to do sometimes. But we do it anyway because we want to be happy and we want to feel closer, and not just “someday”, but right NOW!

So, today, I am thankful for all GOOD PARENTS. For trying over and over again, for showing me that it’s not about being perfect, it’s about never giving up. And, for actively trying (and succeeding) at making this world a better place. We know how we still need to do better, but even if today isn’t the best of best days . . . it’s still a day, and we have the blessing to be able to do what we want with it.

(And, I secretly hope your day is one filled with 'good parenting')