In the long days of summer that are now upon us all, we’ve all probably already experienced some of the most FUN days with our kids, as well as some extra LONG/miserable days. Most parents (and maybe even kids) have secretly already counted the number of days left until school gets back in session. Not me, though. As much of a challenge it can be, I LOVE summer! Call me a Yellow or a White personality on the color code spectrum (something I’m told by virtually every therapist, isn’t a real way to determine someone’s personality), but I just don’t like being told what to do. And, while I love school and learning and I am working on a degree for myself right now, having the summer off from school scheduling and the related overbooking of our precious little family time together, feels like one of the biggest relief to me by the time summer finally rolls around each year. I like to be the master of my own destiny- and schedule book. I wake up most every morning thinking “What could we do to make today really fun?” I am such a fun-seeker, in fact, that it genuinely surprises me every time my kids do things to get themselves grounded (and, not just because they don’t like being grounded) because of how much fun we all know we could be having if they were not grounded. I mean, why should we have to stay inside all day when there are so many adventures we could be on?
That being said, instead of my eyes being too big for my stomach, I would say that my visions of fun have always been a little too big for my body. Kind of like my favorite childhood movie character would say “So much time, so little to do. . . . Strike that; reverse it.” Yes, we are usually a lot more hopeful than actual in our adventures during the week. And, we have our fair share of pouting and grumbling in the evenings over not being able to do something we really wanted to get to do that day (ok, so I’m usually the one pouting and grumbling, but the kids started it, I swear!) Still, I’ve learned something about parenting that can make the days a lot more adventure-some, and therefore fun for us all. And, with summer time providing longer days to fill, figuring out what to do together, it’s even that much more pertinent. Do you want to know what it is? :o) Ready? Ready? Ready? :D
It’s a mixture between Submission, Attitude, and Imagination. I call it “Attimagimission”. No, just kidding. I totally just made that up. I don’t have a word for it! (Haha) BUT, it is a real thing, even if it doesn’t have its own word.
I think it might be easier to explain what it is, if I first explain what it is not. It is not a “bigger or better” concept. I know that most single dad’s get labeled “Disney Land Dad’s” because they tend to spend the (typically) shorter amount of time that they have with their kids cramming as many bigger and better fun activities in as possible, in order to build fond memories. I think we’ve established that I’m the atypical “Disney Land Mom” in my divorce, because it really doesn’t matter how much time I have with my kids, I’m constantly on the search for fun things to do with them (which is admittedly challenging, with how motivated I can be in wanting to spend as little money as possible, too). But, I think that is why I love this concept so much! Even though it can happen in the middle of the most expensively laid out plans, it can also happen in the middle of a dirt road on a rainy day, with no umbrellas in sight. Money and thrill are not the determining factors in this concept.
It doesn’t always happen easily for me, but when I realize that I am in the place where it is happening, I just go with it, like a good thought or action just flowing down the river. I know from past experience that I’m going to enjoy that ride, so I just let it carry me along. I can’t describe exactly what it feels like when you are “there” either, other than, you’ll know when you are. And, I know it happens all on its own because I’ve tried to re-create it later, exactly how I remembered it; and it still wasn’t ever the same. I’m not sure, but I think this might be the same explanation for why “mom’s recipes” never taste exactly the way they did when she used to make them, or why every Christmas or birthday can hold completely different memories for us, even if our rituals in the way we are experiencing them never change. To me, this describes the submission part. You’ll know you have submitted, when you have decided to engage in an activity that, while you’re expecting to find joy in for one reason or another, you don’t know exactly the way it will turn out.
Also, and this is a great one for me to remember, although this concept I’m talking about can’t exist while in the middle of a bad-attitude-storm, it can and almost always does exist directly after the bad-attitude-storms are over. And, while I haven’t yet figured out how to force my kids to stop being upset over not having an expectation for themselves met, I can help them snap out of those times more quickly by leading the way and, fixing my own attitude. I know this because I have this bad habit of sometimes looking back at my bad attitude after I’ve let it go, as if to welcome it to follow close by in case I need it again, and if I let it catch back up to me, then nobody is having any fun anymore. So, I’ve had to learn to kick it once it’s down . . . stomp on it a few times and then let it lie, because I’m going to have some fun now! The correct attitude is always, always, always, always necessary- no exceptions. Without it, you will never get to experience what I am talking about.
Lastly and possibly most importantly, is the use of an imagination. This is important to remember for adults, because unless we are actively exercising our imagination muscles, we lose the ability to go there on our own when we want to. For kids, it’s almost first, rather than second-nature to them. They are already willing to be there, so if you’ve forgotten how to imagine, watch them . . . and re-learn. Our imaginations are important because that is what use to transform us from being in a typical, miserable, mundane, annoying day, into being in a vibrant, exciting, new, and humorous day (in the same exact place, at the same exact moment in time). It’s the same concept of always being able to find what you are looking for, only it takes things a step or two farther than a good-attitude would take us. It creates a surrounding that literally exists in order to amuse and enlighten us and we aren’t just choosing our reactions to the things that are acting upon us, we start choosing everything. We start thinking one step ahead of ourselves, and we anticipate what we want to happen next as much as we would anticipate seeing a best friend after a long time apart. Because of this active interaction, we become very aware of our surroundings within the moment we are experiencing them, which is a great thing! So often we live life just swerving around all the pot-holes and road bumps that get in our way. When, if we opened our minds a little wider than we could open our eyes, we’d be amazed at how many interesting, windy roads are laid before us that we can choose from.
So, go ahead and be present with your kids this weekend. Make a plan if you need or want to, but don’t schedule a “fun-time”- BE a “fun-time”. Let it happen whenever, wherever, why-ever it wants to exist. Take your little ones by the hand and show them that you aren’t too old to enjoy the moments in life that other people don’t even know how to appreciate the way you do. I know you’re up for the challenge. And, you’ll be glad you were.
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