Armed Forces

Here’s a quick parenting tip that might help you out on those trips away from home with the kids. If you are like me, it seems most of the week days are spent driving here and there and taking care of things during every last minute of open business time. Of course, this is exceptionally fun to do with little kids in tow. Oh, wait . . . no, it’s not. Our kids get tired of our “pointless” errands (like grocery shopping) that get in the way of their much needed play time so when we are stuck in a situation where they aren’t getting that time to unwind, we get stuck with a lose-lose situation trying to balance kids and errands without somebody losing an eye-ball (or going mentally batty) in the process. So, what are we to do?

Well, today I heard an idea that I just might try in the near future! I was in a parenting class and the teacher said that one of the moms in a previous class had come up with a system for rewarding her children’s good behaviors (you know, the theory that noticing all the positive attention will decrease some or most of the negative behaviors). Kids between the age of 6 and 10 will respond particularly well to a points system where desired behaviors are rewarded. This mom has a series of good behavior points that her kids can earn throughout the day that translate into various rewards at the end of the day when cashed in. They earn things like an extra 15 min of television, or playing outside, or playing video games. I’m not exactly sure how she rewards, but I think she gives points according to good behaviors such as doing chores, doing homework, and behaving respectfully. **Side note, if you’re like me, you notice that systems like this rarely work for very long because we get lazy, or the kids get wise to our game and start finding ways out of it. I find a helpful way to keep success going is to change the rules often. Still reward for good behaviors, but maybe focus on different goals every few weeks or don’t reward EVERY time, keeping things difficult for the children to know exactly what behavior will get them a reward. At the same time, reward often. Positive reinforcement really does work better than any negative discipline- I promise!

Ok, so this mom was a busy mom, with four kids, who spent a lot of her time with her kids outside of the home. It became impossible for her to keep up her home reward system without coming up with a way to track positive behaviors in public, too. I don’t know if you are like me, but I will forget almost every and anything I say to my kids when I’m in the middle of a grocery shopping trip. I can barely think straight about what we need to buy, let alone discipline and enforce what I said later on. It’s an exhausting job, this whole parenting thing. So, the solution this mom came up with is to carry in her purse a variety of permanent markers (yes, make sure your children are old/mature enough to handle this one before trying it). Every time she caught them doing something well, she would put a little mark on their arm as a reminder to be tallied up with the rest of their points at home later. I don’t know what colors meant what, but she had different colors for different things. I do know that a black mark meant that they had to lose a point. Don’t know if I would do that one, but sometimes, we need a way to provide a consequence, so if it worked, why not, right?

Anyway, I just thought this was really cool. Kids respond so well to tangible and immediate consequences. A visual reminder that you appreciate good behavior from them in public, as well as a trust building reminder that they really did earn those points later on at home is bound to be a great discipline tool as well as a relationship builder. Let me know how it goes if you try this one- I want to know how it works! :o)