What's the Difference?

Last summer, I played outside with my boys a lot. They're getting bigger and need a lot more aggressive play time, these days. So, I kicked the soccer ball, tossed the football around, pretended to tackle them, and played catch with baseballs and mitts. Pretty good, I thought, for a known girly- girl. And, what was even better, I actually had a lot of fun doing it all.

It's not that I'm trying to be their dad. Even if their dad isn't the kind who you'd likely find outside playing catch (he's way more into video games). I'm still the mom. I know that. They know that. But, it doesn't mean we can't spend some good mother-son time of our own, playing catch in the yard.

And, as I found out last year, these times are also good opportunities to discuss the differences between boys and girls.

On one day, last summer, I was outside playing catch with my 9 year old. He threw the baseball a little too low, and too fast for me to catch it in time, and it hit me smack dab in my crotch. Luckily, he's 9, so even his fast ball didn't really hurt me.

But, I reacted in my girly-girl 'I felt a slight pain for a slight second' way, anyway.

"Oops!", he shouted out at me "Sorry." (looking a little embarrassed about where it'd hit me.)

"It's ok.", I said.

"What happened?", asked my 7 year old (Who had been playing elsewhere in the yard, but stopped when he thought his brother might be getting into trouble for something.)

"I hit mom in the balls."

(. . . uhhhh, I thought, did I hear that right?)


"I'm a girl", I replied. "I don't have balls."

"Oh.", he said. "Then, I just hit you in the wiener."

"No. . . . I don't have one of those, either."

He looked at me as if he was trying to decide if this was like one of those things that girls say when they don't want to admit the truth (like when girls say they don't fart.)
But, then I asked if he wanted to talk about the differences between boys and girls [again], and he said "Oh. Um, ok."




I keep thinking they get it every time I talk about the physical differences between boys and girls. But, then, something like this will happen, and we have to discuss it again.

I guess it's normal (if normal is ever a word that can be used to describe any aspect of parenting) to have to explain the physical differences to them over and over again. After all, they only have brothers, and it's not like I'm showing them naked pictures to really illustrate the solid differences (I wouldn't do that).

I did draw some crazy looking stick figures after that day last summer, to try to show them what I was talking about. And, they laughed hysterically, and talked about how 'mom drew inappropriate pictures' for days afterwards.

But, even if it's all funny and embarrassing to my boys now, I think it's good that we're having these talks when they are little. I'm realizing that it takes time to talk about things openly, and for them to really remember what it is I've told them. And, that's ok, because by starting now, we have time. And, eventually, I'm guessing they'll get it.

I just don't want them to end up like me, and get to 7th grade, not even knowing what the word virgin means.

I'm not saying my parents never had 'the talk' with me. I'm sure they did. I actually remember how upsetting it was for me when my mom explained that the period I just got wasn't just some teenager thing that I'd soon grow out of(something I was truly hoping was the case). When my mom told me that she, in fact, was still getting her period, I thought to myself "Oh no! She's old and she's still getting this? When does it ever end?!" (Funny how I still wonder that at times)

But, I'm starting to realize that just hurdling the initial fears of having 'the talk', and then doing it all in one big shot, isn't good enough. Truthfully, it takes many, MANY 'talks' before kids really understand things so foreign to them as the biological differences of the sexes, puberty, and then sex itself. And, I'm sure my boys won't really get any of it until they experience it, and our talks suddenly become relevant to them. But, I want my boys to at least be somewhat prepared with accurate information, before biology kicks in and takes them out of their innocent childhood.

So, I asked them again tonight. "What's the difference between boys and girls?"

The responses:

"Oh! Boys have pockets and Girls have purses."
"No. Girls have long hair and Boys have short hair."
"No, ummm, they have different (pointing to his crotch, then whispering) . . . wieners."
"Boys have muscles, and Girls wear dresses?"

(Then, they both look at me like puppy dogs waiting to see who got the 'right' answer.)

"Ok, I said, I was just checking what you thought. Girls don't have wieners, by the way. They have vaginas."

"Oh yeah!", they both say as I walked down the hall to finally let out the laughter that I'd suppressed so expertly while they were talking.



"We just forgot the word for it."



". . . And, that's how babies come out, right?"



Hmmmm . . . improvement, I think to myself.



"Yes, I say. That's where the babies come out."


Good enough for tonight, I think, as I look at the clock and see it is now past their bedtime anyway.

And, I'm sure we'll talk about it again soon. Like, perhaps this summer, when we're playing catch again.