There are, admittedly, a few advantages to having 3 wild boys in tow everywhere I have to go. Don’t tell anyone else I said this, but I’ve skipped right to the front of lines at the DMV, or other such places when I have my kids with me. And, without anyone else offering any complaint about it, either! Something about most people not wanting to listen to the sound of eternally perpetuating madness that makes everyone MORE than happy to help me get on my way again as soon as humanly possible. Hmmmm . . .
And, while that might sound unfair and you might start thinking I should not be bragging about how I have manipulate crowds of others who are waiting patiently for their turn to be helped, let me even the score for you. In fact, I’ll go ahead and admit the real truth. Usually, it’s not that much fun dragging 3 wild boys around on errands, for me or the other people around.
The most typical errand that I end up doing with my kids is grocery shopping. I try to get it done when they are in school, but I tend to put it off in favor of other errands first, as grocery shopping is the least difficult to do while checked out mentally.
But, even if it does take the least amount of brain power to do, I still must enter, shop, check-out, and leave all on my own. So, I’ve decided to list my top 10 favorite things to do to make the shopping trips with the kids just a LITTLE less insane. Use them, if they work. And, if they don’t, kindly forget that you heard them from me. Most importantly, make them your own. Here they are! I’m counting backwards from 10.
#10: Distraction 101
“What grocery store?” If there’s one thing my middle son hates the most, it’s going grocery shopping! He gets mad at the very sound of the announcement that we need something from the store. (I think it’s because he knows his limits and he knows he will end up getting into trouble for acting out in the store, once again) So, sometimes I skip the warning that we are entering a grocery store and I use his A.D.D. to my advantage. I get him talking about things that happened at school or I ask him to tell me some favorite jokes. More often than not, he’s happy to have a willing ear for his unstoppable tangents and I just walk along listening and smiling as I try to get as far into the shopping trip as possible before he looks up and notices where he is. I used distraction a lot for all my boys when they were little, too. I could say things like “Did you hear that bird?” and then I’d look up and pretend to see a bird inside the store. It would keep them busy for a few minutes as they looked and listened for a make believe animal. Once, we actually DID see a bird, so it was perfect!
#9: Delegating Choices
I use this mostly when I’m in the produce section of the store. I like to try to integrate different fruits and vegetables into our favorite meals throughout the week and I found myself agonizing over what to choose, and what my kids were most likely to eat, while just standing around in the produce section. This led to problems, because the boys got tired of standing around waiting for me to figure out what I was doing and the behaviors to get my attention would start. I have unfortunately, said the words “Get off of the lettuce!” so many times, I’ve lost count. Then, one day, it just hit me. I started asking each of my kids to pick a fruit and vegetable for that week. They each had to pick something different. This kept them busy, helped me choose what they would eat, and it got them to try some new things because they actually started looking at the produce and asking me what things like Asparagus and Brussels Sprouts were (two vegetables I had been TOO afraid to even try on them beforehand).
#8: Divide and Conquer
Every parent knows that on some days, no matter what tricks we have up our sleeves, the kids are just trying to kill each other. So, the divide and conquer trick is something I’ve used a lot. It’s just like it sounds. Keep the children physically away from each other. If that means making one walk and putting 2 in separate parts of a grocery cart, then great. If two of them have to hold onto my pockets on opposites sides of my body while we walk, and one is in the cart, then we do that. Many of the grocery stores now have “Car-carts” that have a separate compartment in the front that looks like a little car. I LOVE those, because it separates my kid’s right out. My oldest is too big for the car now, so my younger two get to sit in there (as long as they are getting along) while my oldest helps me do the shopping. In the past, I’ve been seen pushing one cart with a child and groceries in it in front of me, while pulling another cart, with two kids in it behind me. Yes. Anything that keeps feuding children separated during the grocery shopping is worth it to me, on days like that.
#7: Blast the Aliens
I’ve had some scary experiences with guns in the past, so I’ve tried to raise my boys without toy guns. I want them to realize that guns are tools, not toys and they require respect and proper handling. Despite all my efforts, EVERYTHING turns into a gun or a shooting game. So, when we’re shopping, I just go with their instinct to want to shoot everything and I try to alter it in a way that still fits into what I want them to learn. We aren’t allowed to shoot people, but I tell them that there are “Aliens” in the store and they must blast any alien that they see (within reasonable volume of sound, of course). How do we know if it’s an alien? I pick a color and I tell them that the aliens are (let’s say purple, for instance) “purple” and that if they see anything that is purple, it is probably an alien who has changed shape to look like a ball, or eggplant, or hat, etc. They usually go right into game mode looking for anything of that color, calling it out, and blasting aliens for quite some time without needing another distraction for a while.
#6: Driving Lessons
I mentioned the “Car-carts”, right? Well, I just tell my kids where to steer and then I go the opposite way. Or, I swivel the cart back and forth and make it seem like they are about to run into something and tell them to do a better job steering. Of course, they know I’m kidding, but it makes them giggle and they start pretending to actually be driving. Of course, be careful. It’s less forgivable when an adult runs a cart into another person or a cereal stack, than if a kid did it, and for what ever reason, I’ve never been able to successfully blame my kid for the “bad driving” of the cart.
#5: Bubble gum, Bubble gum, in a machine
This one is a bribe. I mean a bribe. I mean a bribe. I mean, well, ok, yes, it’s a bribe. It doesn’t have to be horrible, though! I wouldn’t recommend bribing the kids every time you go to a grocery store, because that turns into a bartering game you are sure to lose very quickly. It’s just that, sometimes, when the kids are having a relatively good day and I’m in a mood to reward, I might “find” a quarter lying on the ground right outside the store. And, then I might say something like, “Wow, I wonder what I could use this quarter for?” Of course, my kids know that the bubble gum dispenser’s right at the entrance/exit of the store only cost a quarter so they pipe right up and start begging for gum! In which case, I have a perfect exit strategy. I tell them that they have behaved well today and as long as there isn’t any trouble in the store, I’d be happy to let them use the quarter for gum on the way back out to the car. ;o)
#4: Jumping Jacks
This one is a bit less nice and less fun than all the other ones (at least for the kids). It’s something we came up with together in a family meeting, and my kids know that I mean business when this comes up. For whatever reason, it hasn’t failed us yet, so I know I can use this if the “fun-and-games” tricks aren’t working, and they need some strict discipline. Simply put, the jumping jacks are used as a physical outlet when the kids can’t control their bodies enough to keep them out of trouble. We have a code word, for a warning and they know when they hear the code word, that’s the last time before the jumping jacks start. If they hear the code word from me a second time, they now need to do 10 jumping jacks within the next 5 minutes and stop what they were doing to get the code word said. Seems pretty simple, right? There’s a catch. If they don’t do their jumping jacks and fix the behavior by the 5 min time, then they get grounded from video games, t.v. and playing outside for a whole week! YIKES, right?! So, they usually just do their 10, laugh about it a little, and then we get on with the shopping. If for some reason, however, they DON’T stop the behavior after doing 10 jumping jacks, then I say the code word a third time, and they now have to do 100 jumping jacks within 5 minutes. It rarely goes beyond this. They are tired after 100, and don’t want to have to do any more. Also, sometimes it’s embarrassing, because people stare at the kid doing jumping jacks (mostly in shock or confusion, which I’m ok with). This little trick has worked so well for me because I don’t have to sit and argue over WHY I want a certain behavior to stop, and I don’t have to negotiate new punishments that I’m thinking of on the fly in the middle of the store. Nope. Everyone already knows the consequences of the choices made. I just have to say a code word a few times, and they have to do all the jumping jacks and control their actions to keep themselves from being grounded. (And, yes, they’ve tested this, and chosen to just be grounded a few times). Once, I was checking out at a store and the clerk asked me “Is your husband a football coach or something?” I had no idea what he was talking about because I forgot all about my son who was 3 feet away from me counting off 100 jumping jacks at the time. Yep, I love this one! ;o)
#3: Trading Places
This one is F-U-N, although can lead to some trouble, so only use it on rare occasions, but my philosophy on life is if you can’t make things fun every now and then, then what’s the point? Sometimes, my oldest son is so serious about everything that I want to teach him it’s ok to lighten up a little and enjoy all the little monotonous things about life, too. What better place than in a grocery store, right? So, when the kids aren’t acting up too badly, but just seem to be in a down and sullen mood, I hop into the grocery cart and tell them that they have to push the cart around the store, stop where I tell them to, and put everything into the cart exactly as I direct. They LOVE this!!! As you can probably guess, it requires children who are old enough to push a cart around the store without banging into other people or things, so keep that in mind. Also, it requires good listening skills from the kids as you tell them where to go, when to stop and what to get for inside the cart. Lastly, people do STARE, so be prepared for that (I just ignore everyone else, because I’m doing this for my kids, not other people). A few times that I’ve done this, I’ve had to jump out of the cart and tell my kids “Ok, I have to be the one to do the shopping now”, because I see a store clerk heading my way with that look on his face. You know the one, that indicates that you are about to have a conversation with a grown person about the inappropriate thing you are doing. And, honestly, nobody wants a lawsuit, so be careful when doing this one!
#2: The Game of “No.”
This game works great on my kids after a certain age. They have to understand that I’m kidding, so that they don’t get seriously mad at me! This is basically your reverse psychology being applied to shopping. What do kids do most when they are shopping with us? Start begging for treats, that’s what. “Can I have this? Can we buy that? Please, oh please, oh pretty, pretty please???” Sometimes, I’m in a good mood, so I say “Sure”, but usually I can’t get all the things that they are asking for, so I have to start saying “No” at some point during the shopping trip. And, what happens after the kids get told NO repeatedly? They start sulking, pouting, stomping feet, mouthing off, or just all out having a tantrum. This is not something I want to listen to, so instead I make a game out of it- one that helps me keep the peace (with a little fun) while still saying no to all the things I can’t/don’t want to buy this time. Here’s how it goes: Child- “Mommy, can I have this treat?” Me- “No.” Child- “Can I have that one?” Me- “No.” Child- “Awww, that’s not fair! You always say no!” Me- “Of course I do! I’m the mommy. Mom’s LOVE to say no to their kids. Now, quick, ask me for something else so I can say no again. . . “ Child (usually thinks for a minute) “NO!” Me- “Awwww, no fair! I wanted to keep saying no. . .” Try it out. It’s funny. Yes, I’ve gotten some crazy looks from people on this one. I love it, though.
#1: Claiming Babysitter
Honestly, truly, no matter how many tricks I keep up my sleeves for our grocery shopping trips, they don’t always work. I think it’s mostly because my kids know all my tricks by now, and sometimes they just aren’t in the mood to play around, because they are tired or grumpy or whatever. And, maybe I’M the tired and grumpy one that day. (Despite what you might think, I don’t walk around singing to birds and humming to myself about the sunshine and the flowers.) Some days just plain suck. And, on those days, I almost always end up having to run to the grocery store for something (go figure). Anyway, if all else fails and you find yourself surrounded by screaming children and everyone starts to give you that “I hate that you had offspring” look, DO THIS TRICK!! -!!*Claim to be the babysitter*!!-. Now, I don’t mean that you start announcing it on the P.A. system. That might give away your desperation for pretending to be uninvolved and make people hate you even more. No, this is what you say. Look right at those screaming children (who are so far into their tantrums, they won’t process what you are saying anyway) and you say “I’m going to tell your mother about this behavior when we get back home!” Yep, this works 10/10 times! You’d be AMAZED at how many looks suddenly turn sympathetic, how many pats on the back, and “You’re doing a great job” comments you start getting. I don’t know what it is about our sad world that makes people suddenly think you deserve a medal for being a temporary babysitter to crazy screaming children, but being a full time parent earns you silent hatred and judgment, but in these moments, you won’t care about any of that. You will just be glad for some sympathy and a chance to get back out of the store without anybody giving you a talk about birth control or something! Ok, so just be forewarned, only use this during extreme tantrums to make sure your kids don’t have the capacity to hear you and turn around and rat you out as their real mother. I got caught once, but it was by another mom, so she just laughed at my sense of humor and went on her way. Phew! ;o)
That’s all for this post. It was long, but I hope you got a few good ideas, or at least a few good laughs. Happy Shopping, everyone! :o)
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